Chuck: "I'll be so mad if you're lying you'll have me scratching the drapes." Ned: "I'm not lying. Please don't attack the window treatments."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Lily: "Horrible the way Charlotte died. On a cruise. Last day spent surrounded by middle-aged, overweight women who wear sweatshirts with things sewn to them." Vivian: "Usually kittens made of felt."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Olive: "Doesn't she look a lot like that dead girl?" Emerson: "She looks exactly like that dead girl."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Coroner: "You the dog expert?" Ned: "Uh-huh." Coroner: "Already had a dog expert." Ned: "I'm the other one." Coroner: "Mm hmm."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Chuck: "I'm a friend of Ned's." Olive: "Does he touch you?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ned: "You stay here." Chuck: "I just wanna look in through the window." Ned: "You can't. You can have your pie, but you can't eat it, thats the way it works."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Chuck: "I can't even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around." Ned: "I'm not a fan of a hug." Chuck: "Then you haven't been hugged properly."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ned: "I asked you not to use the word "zombie," it's disrespectful. Stumbling around squaking for brains, that's not how they do. And undead? Nobody wants to be un-anything. Why begin a statement with a negative? That's like saying "I don't disagree." Just say you agree." Emerson: Are you comfortable with "living dead"?" Ned: "You're either living or you're dead. When you're living, you're alive. When you're dead, that's what you are. But when you're dead and you're not, you're alive again. Can't we say "alive again"? Doesn't that sound nice?" Emerson: Sounds like you're narcoleptic." Ned: "I suffer from a sudden and uncontrolable type of deep sleep?" Emerson: "What's the other one?" Ned: "Necrophiliac." Emerson: "Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head." Olive: "Me too! I used to think that "masturbation" meant chewing your food. [awkward pause] I don't think that anymore."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Chuck: "You can't just touch someones life and be done with it." Ned: "Yes I can, that's how I roll."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ned: "It's nerves, aggravated by a stomach thing. It's like acid reflux but in my eye!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Chuck: "You said you wanted to know who killed me so that justice can be served. But I don't think "Justice" was on the menu. Maybe as a side dish, but not as an entrée." Ned: "It was most definitely an entrée. It was a Special of the Day. Can we drop the metaphor?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Chuck: "I'd kiss you if it wouldn't kill me."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Emerson: "B**ch, I was in proximity!"
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